I have had a glass if wine so this may be a bit muddled!!! Note - one glass is all it takes these days!
There are some things I need to write about, I think just to get them off my chest. Things I have been holding close to me for some time. I am not one to put my worries on anyone, not even my hubby. At times I think he won't understand. Do men ever understand? I am a wife and mother and they all come before me and my feelings. Or at least that is how it seems to me.
I will start with my first born. A son. Hubby and I married in the April. By the end of May I was pregnant. Baby was due in February. We move house in the October half term week. A stressful time. I had been threatened by a nutter of a neighbour and the police response was move! We had our house on the market the next week and had sold it within a fortnight. That was our first home and I loved it so much. It was perfect. I still miss it., as I know my hubby does too.
Five weeks after we moved, hubby had gone out on the beer and was staying at his parents when at 4:30am my waters broke. I was 32 weeks. I didn't know what was happening. I had dreamt I had wet myself. I ended up phoning the emergency number who told me to get in. Problem, hubby was pissed 15 miles away and I knew no one in the street. I called my mother. I was so calm. I fed the animals, let my rabbits out and packed an overnight bag (optimistic). My mum took me to hospital where my hubby appeared with two cans of coke, swaying! I was admitted. That was the Saturday morning. I really didn't know what was happening. You dont expect to be hospital at 32 weeks with your first. ("First ones are always late") . On the Tuesday, I woke early with back pain, I was monitored and told I was in labour. They phoned hubby who came in. I spent the day in the delievery suite, waiting..... I had an epidural, diamorphine - God i love that stuff and my hubby was sober! Yeah! We had a laugh. It was such fun. He makes me laugh so much. He cheered every time a contraction got over 150 on the monitor. He prepared to catch the baby like Jonny Wilkinson. It was a good labour, until my temperature rocketed, I was pumped with antibiotics. When I delivered there were 12 people in the room including me and hubby. When he arrived I remember seeing him on the bed for a second before he was on the resus table. They wrapped him, I gave him one kiss and he was gone. I know my hubby went to see him once I had moved to the ward, they gave me a card to access NICU, but I didn't know what to expect. I didn't want to see him, I didn't know what he would be like. I waited until hubby came back and that was 13 hours after the birth. He was wired up, beeps were going off constantly, and I couldn't hold him. I was gutted. At 3 days old he had a lumbar punture, to check for infection, we all know which one. Thankfully there was no meningitus He was born nine days before Christmas. Our special baby. Christmas day was so special. Every incubator had a stocking. Every child had a card for their parent. The thoughts of these still make me cry. It was the first day he wore clothes and the first day we held him! He was in hospital for a month. 4 lb 5 oz born, left hospital at 5lb 5oz. Now 7 and a half and a happy healthy boy with no real medical issues. I love him so much. He is so bright, clever and funny and a little obsessed about Star Wars!